DON’T GIVE UP BEFORE THE MIRACLES HAPPEN - HOW THE STORIES IN YOUR HEAD CAN SABOTAGE YOUR GOLF GAME

Do you ever feel like giving up on the golf course?

It’s a common feeling that many golfers experience. From the beginner to the professional, I would say everybody has had a day or a period in their golfing journey when it all feels too much. You’ve had enough frustration and heartache and you utter the words, ‘I’m never playing this game again’.

Do you ever have days when you feel like everything is going wrong for you? You get all the bad bounces, the lip outs, bad lies, there’s an annoying person in your group and no matter what you try…your swing isn’t working. You’ve been practising and playing for years - why can’t you get the results you think you’re capable of? Do you think, ugh, this always happens to me?

You feel sad, disheartened, embarrassed, exhausted and even angry. Do you have thoughts such as I don’t know why I bother, why do I put myself through this and that leads to self-flagellation … I am useless, I should just give up!

I got to that point in my golf career. I turned professional and went off to compete on the Ladies European Tour. It was the most painful year of my golfing life. I couldn’t make cuts. I played well in practice rounds, I hit it like everybody else on the range, but I could not score well when it counted. I felt embarrassed. I thought that all the golfers were thinking I was no good, I didn’t belong there and were probably thinking just like me… why doesn’t she just give up?

BUT…. I didn’t.

I had to have a good look at myself and find out where I was going wrong. So, I went on a quest to find a solution and I found that it was my thinking that was holding me back. It was my attitude that was holding me back. It was my inability to manage my emotions and ‘the story’ I was telling myself that was holding me back. 

I had to take action and change those things one by one. I’m so glad I didn’t give up because I went on to have an amazing career for another 20 years, winning many times, and even becoming the Number 1. female player in Australia at one point. More importantly, I got to play the sport I loved, travel the world and meet so many amazing golfers along the way.

Today, golfers come to work with me when they get to a point of frustration and have exhausted all avenues to try and improve their game.

They are also looking for a way to find the lost enjoyment of the game again. 

The new driver didn’t help, that lesson didn’t work, the golf tips from their husband only made them feel worse and not even that brand new golf outfit could help how they felt inside. 

It’s not just professional golfers who come to me. Some are women who struggle with self-esteem, then there are beginner golfers, golfers who have lost the joy of the game, golfers who played great years ago and now want to set new goals later in life and woman golfers who just want something more, that mental edge on the course.

I also coach young juniors who can’t manage their emotions that well, I help young aspiring golfers who have dreams of lowering their handicap, making state teams, going to college, or becoming a professional golfer. I also coach middle-aged men who are often sceptical of this “mindful” stuff and who are afraid of talking openly about their feelings. That is a typical ‘story’ that older men have grown up with. This holds them back from success on the golf course.

Maybe you can relate to the following success stories (all from golfers who have worked closely with me). 

Meet Jane - an avid golfer 

Jane has played golf for most of her life and now is in her 60s. She felt she hadn’t achieved the results she was capable of. But her story was one of beating herself up when she made mistakes. When she changed her attitude and eased up on herself her golfing story changed. She started using affirmations and encouraging self-talk and she went on to reduce her handicap by 5 shots and she also won her club championship. More importantly, many of her internal frustrations have left her and today her story is of more joy as well as success on the golf course.

Meet Micky - a beginner

Micky still works and has children at home. She is a little overweight and self-conscious. Her husband plays golf regularly and he was always telling her to hurry up on the golf course, so she even felt more self-conscious. Micky decided she should take some lessons with another beginner woman in a weekly group clinic. Then, her story has changed. Micky started to improve quite quickly and this helped her confidence. She now bounds out of bed on clinic days and can’t wait to get to the driving range for the weekly lesson. Her story changed because she felt she was worthy enough to invest in some lessons and to be supported by other women learning to play the game. Her future story is to play golf with her husband when they both retire and even though he will probably still tell her to hurry up she can handle it much better because she (not him) has changed.

Meet Mary - a non-golfer

Mary was in her 70s and quite lonely. She thought she was too old and not good enough to play golf - that was the story that kept holding her back. In her head, she kept worrying about what people would think. Finally, Mary became brave enough (with some encouragement from other golfers) to give it a try. Today she plays in a social group, attends a weekly clinic and is one of the most popular ladies at the golf club. Mary loves a wine, a good joke and spending time with like-minded friends. If you asked her about the game now, Mary would tell you that golf has given her a whole new avenue to take away the loneliness and she no longer thinks that age is a barrier. 

Meet Lucas Higgins - PGA Professional 

Lucas came to me a few years ago as a good amateur golfer who had a reputation as a great ball striker, but he wasn’t producing the results worthy of his physical talent. He was also a hot-headed and angry young man who had just been dropped by the NSW Elite squad and was ready to give the game away. His story was a ‘poor me’ story. A little like mine in the early days. His attitude was negative, his self-talk abusive and things had to change. Fortunately, Lucas chose me to be his mindset and mental golf coach.

He worked with me EVERY WEEK for almost 2 years, and he joined my accountability group too. We worked on the range a lot, and he embraced every mindful practice that was suggested. One year after working together, Lucas attended qualifying school to turn professional and won the first stage with a score of 16 under par. He then went onto the final stage and became a PGA of Australia Professional. Since turning pro Lucas is already a winner on tour. Today his story is already that of success.

Meet Mio – Japanese professional golfer 

Mio came to work with me after losing her playing rights to play on the main (JLPGA) tour. She was playing limited events on a mini tour and had lost the joy of golf (and her ability to make a living). Mio’s ‘bad story’ was the result of a recurring thought she had that when she got on the main tour, she must become a ‘serious’ golfer. It became too hard and too much pressure so she couldn’t produce the results she once did. 

We identified what she needed to do and how she was when she played her best golf. By focusing on her mindset work, Mio returned to being herself again and within six months she not only regained her status on the JLPGA tour but won her first major tournament. 

Now she doesn’t play the loop story ‘that everyone on tour is better than me and I should be serious like them’ anymore. Mio also used affirmations and self-talk to reprogram the story in her mind. 

So, ladies, just turn up to golf and be yourself. I believe that if you can identify ‘the problem’, ask for help and are willing to take action, it is possible to change YOUR story.

If I hadn’t hit my emotional rock bottom with my golf game and made the decision to take a good look at myself and where I was going wrong, then MY story would be different today. 

Instead of having the successful and joyful career I’ve had, I could have ended up a washed-up pro sitting in a clubhouse sipping on a Sauvignon Blanc telling those old ‘poor me’ stories. I was as good as all those players, but I just wasn’t lucky. Jack Nicklaus said, “It’s funny, the more I practice the luckier I get.”

Are you willing to change your future story today? It starts by admitting things have to change and change isn’t easy, in life or with your golf game. But what if you are brave enough to change and the future could be better? What if you believed miracles happen?

Here are some of the MINDFUL tools I use and teach today.

My first real awakening about life is that EVERYTHING starts with a thought. Thoughts create your reality. You can choose your thoughts, but it takes discipline to learn this tool. If you want to go on holiday - it starts with a thought. If you want to build a house it starts with a thought. If you want to lose weight, find a new job or a new relationship, it all starts with a thought.

Then you need plans and if you take little steps, you can build that dream home, lose that weight, plan that amazing holiday, or have a new golf game.

Here are some suggestions on how to change your current story:

1.Stop replaying the poor me story. 

Try to focus on the good shots you hit. Try noticing when you get a good bounce. Try focusing on when your ball lips in or it’s sitting up on a nice lie. Focus on the friendships and the fact that the golf course is a beautiful place to be even if you hit a few bad shots. The best players in the world still hit bad shots. They just manage to get over them quickly and move on to the next shot. Practise being that type of person.

2. Script a new story.

Have you ever taken the time to think about creating a golf story? For example, in 12 months from now, my handicap will be three shots lower. Write things in your story such as: in a year from now I am going to have more confidence in my game, I am going to have a better attitude and not be so hard on myself. I am happy to go to golf because I am paying attention to the little things I am doing well and I am now letting go of old ideas, such as I can’t make mistakes or that other golfers are judging me. Continue adding whatever you like to your story.

3.Practice thinking and daydreaming about the story. 

Once you have scripted your story, think about it often. This is a mental process and a mindful practice. Write it out. Leave it by your bedside and read it each night before you go to sleep.

4. Put your story in a garage. 

• Imagine you have two garage doors in front of you. 
• Open the garage door to garage No 1. In that garage is your current story – I am playing terribly, I’ll never be any good at this game. I am an unlucky golfer and I am anxious when playing golf with better golfers or if anyone is watching me.
• In garage No 2. there is a different story. In 12 months from now, I will be back to loving golf. I have a new confidence because I had a lesson, I stuck to the advice I was given and I practise once a week. I am focusing on the things I do well and I let go of my mistakes. I use encouraging self-talk instead of beating myself up and my handicap has come down by five shots. I even won an event during the year. I am so happy. 

SO…. which garage door are you going to leave open? Every time the old story in garage door No. 1 comes into your mind, practise closing the garage door on it and turn your thoughts to the story in garage No. 2. Run it through your mind. How does the story in garage No. 2 make you feel?

5. Create an action plan. 

If I want to build a house or have an overseas holiday you need some plans. So does creating a new golf story. Success comes from the following pillars 

Goals – What is the core idea? Lower your handicap? Play more consistently? Have more fun? Win the club championships or become a successful professional golfer? Write it down. Now you are accountable. 

Planning – Write a list of what needs to be done. Ask yourself can I practise a little more each week? Do I need some help with my physical golf game and is it worth having a lesson? Do I need some tools to deal with my emotions and thoughts and where can I find this help?

Action – If nothing changes, nothing changes. Decide to change.

Discipline – If I decide to practise one day a week, can I be disciplined enough to make this a priority?

Repetition – Little tasks done daily get the job done. I teach the tool of writing affirmations. If I write them daily, I am reprogramming my mind to think more positively and it only takes five minutes. There is more on this topic in my book. Please, go to www.mindfulgolfcoaching.com to get yourself a copy. 

Resilience – If things don’t happen overnight or I make a mistake I have to shake myself off and keep trying. It’s like a diet. If I do well for two weeks, then eat a bowl of ice cream I don’t say this diet doesn’t work. I can reset it anytime and get back on track. Over time, results come from never giving up. This is why many golfers don’t stick to swing changes and go back to their old habits and then wonder why they are not getting their desired results. 

Focus – Think about your story every day. If I focus on that story of the new me, it keeps me motivated and inspired to push through the hard moments. Put a sign on your bathroom mirror that says, “I am a good golfer.” Read it every morning when you brush your teeth. Then ask yourself, “What can I do today or this week to start being a better golfer?”

Trust – I need to look at other successful stories and believe if it’s possible for them, then why not me? Look at my example. I was just a little girl who grew up in a small country town who was no better than anyone else. I just had a story, a daydream, then I worked hard toward achieving it. 

There were many sacrifices, hard knocks, tough lonely sad days but I kept the garage door open on my dream story. By playing it over and over in my mind those thoughts became a reality. I never gave up until the miracle happened. This is possible for you too.

If you would like to grab a few friends from your club and do a group Zoom session with me to start your journey to achieving a few golfing goals, it will be a new beginning... 

• Learn together how to change your thought processes
• Learn how affirmations work
• Learn how to understand the use of encouraging self-talk as a golf skill
• Learn how helping each other and having a support person or group of golfing friends can help you stay on track. (That’s why they recommend a gym buddy when you want to achieve weight loss or fitness goals.) 

I recently did a Zoom coaching session with a pennant team club from Melbourne. The feedback I received was that it proved to be a beneficial bonding and support session for everyone involved, as much as it was about learning the tools to improve their golf game. 

Perhaps you could ask your local women's captain to come on board, round up a few players who are interested in improving their game, or simply help any new ladies who are struggling. Alternatively, contact me to do a private session.

Most golfers struggle to some degree internally with their own mental torture and worrying stories. These stories are holding you back from success and happiness. 

Choose to take action today to change your story and watch the miracles happen. 

You can read this article and think…that was interesting. BUT don’t just sit there!

Run, grab a piece of paper right now and write five things you would like to be in your future story. 

Remember the power of words - As Nike says:  ‘Just do it’ and in the words of adidas: ‘Impossible is nothing’.  

For more information contact Jenny via email at mindfulgolfcoaching@gmail.com Follow her on Instagram, join the Facebook group and/or buy the book!